I dont even know what my last post was lol
SO much is going on, and im very numb.
Tired of my life, but cant leave it yet.
Id feel too bad for them..

as my world turns

so..my boobs ended up on the internet ... instead of my daughter getting mad, she said atleast they looked good  smh

The Cure - Lollapalooza 2013

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Lollapalooza Chile 2014 Full

Arctic Monkeys - The View From The Afternoon

Arctic Monkeys - R U Mine?

So.. whats been going on lately..
I really got over my feelings about that asswipe.. then his baby momma messages me and tells me thatI was right all along and he lied to her blah blah. Shes actually pretty nice.. I like her. We chat a lot, and im soooo glad he didnt wanna date shes gone thru Hell.
Hes in jail now and she seems to think hell write me.. hmmm I doubt it.
Scotty and I are having a good tie together lately and im thankful for unanswered prayers man.


My mother has lung cancer, she stopped smoking in 1977.. I dont feel too much on this yet...too much not enough..ugh.

This is Rory. She keeps coming home with new tattoos. Lord Help Me

Bruno Mars - Grenade [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

why my headd fkin hurts

Painted on my Heart Lyrics

Goodbye Out Of My Head

Goodbye Out Of My Head

my lol for the day.. did it make you lol too? ;)

Memories

My gram always hated this picture, because she had her house shoes on lol We look very dutch/sicilian eh? I like this pic.. it's before my parents were monsters. My sister still loved me.. my family was complete. Look at my cousin in red.. she knew what was about to go down. Two years later, he was molesting me. I had no idea what was coming. My mother knew, she fed me to him.
Fuck.

Haters

I have a few haters.. people that annoy me.. I annoy them etc. This one girl hates that I was with her baby daddy and we used to have facebook throwdown lol I guess she got tired of it.. he. Aaron wrote to me to get a life and leave him completely out of it. All I did was tell him I missed him.
If they are just friends, what does it matter? I don't get why people turn down love for disdain.. ill never get it. He knows I dont wanna be with him. I just miss him as a friend. He was my best friend.. we spent most of last summer together.. every fucking day.
We slept on a twin bed together many many nights.. you dont do that with someone you dont love. He told me he loved me.. and I stupidly thought it was true. Im never going to get over this. I feel like a stalker, but I look at his facebook and he looks so unhappy. I cant let go of it. I just cant. Forever im gonna carry this. Some days, I hope I   die soon, so this confusing shit will be gone. Its not fair to Scotty, who doesnt understand that you can love two people at the same time. I do love two men.. and its not going away.

Erykah Badu Green eyes

Erykah Badu - Next Lifetime (with lyrics on screen)

Deano

why hello there good girl lol

Ep of Save Ferris my fave ska band

snuff

[Verse 1]
Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

[Verse 2]
So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there
Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

[Verse 3]
I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight

[Verse 4]
So save your breath, I will not care
I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my love was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go

[Verse 5]
So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away, you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care don't ever let me know
If you still care don't ever let me know

APPEARS ON ALL HOPE IS GONE

• 10. Wherein Lies Continue
• 11. Snuff
• 12. All Hope Is Gone

This song is track 11 on Slipknot’s All Hope is Gone album. It has a quieter and more acoustic feel to it than the rest of the album. All the words are clearly enunciated and it’s not as cryptic as much of their lyrics.

..gestionAuthors..

D*fkin*PRESSION BE GONE BIOTCH!

*Listening to Strange love* by Depeche Mode

Thank fuck that this depression is clearing, man it's rough. ROUGH.. fuck! You always think, well, ill never let myself get that bad again.. and it creeps up on you.

My mortality.. the fact that I lost four people that I cared about within a year, the damn illnesses.. red rest..My own sick head, stuck inside it ugh..

*personal jesus* DP

reach out, touch faith.....yeah right.

I feel like jogging, getting into shape hittiing it hardcore again, then my heart lets me no "yo, slow down" oi..I miss walking.. with jams on..just kinda unwinding.I've started slow.. stretching, squats etc. We will see how it goes...ooh just did ten half sit ups.. sweet.

*too shy kaja googoo*

Ah Limahl..

I wish I had the body that I did as a teenager. It was kick ass but I didnt even really care. I just worked out cuz ut felt good. I remember jogging ahhhh the rhythm, the sweat. Someday I will again.

Anyways, that fuckin depression is gone .. yay.

Back In the Saddle

I've been really depressed over all the health issues, but I can feel the weight of the depression rock lifting off of me once more.. yay

Maxine

 Maxine is my daughter's grandma, but she is grandma to all three kiddos. She's sick and in ICU and I really dont know how Rory is gonna handle losing grammie.. ugh Grammie raised her mostly too.. id almost take bullets whizzing by my head right now to this

dresses

So There's this stupid nigga.. back in jail ha!

Thinking id go along with you..lol child

Shakira - Can't Remember to Forget You ft. Rihanna

Floyd Taylor - If You Catch Me Sleeping

I'm Tired of Sitting Around

uh huh

Etta James ~ I'll Take Care of You

Intro fkin vert

Etta James - I've Been Loving You Too Long (to stop now)

Angel Haze - Dirty Gold Full Album (Deluxe) + Download link

Christopher

Slipknot - Wait And Bleed (Original Cut) [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

staind unplugged full -Aaron

staind unplugged full -Aaron

Alice in chains - Mtv unplugged Full

Angry and Sad

Weepy Fucking Day.. just want him out of my brain

Christopher

So, my first cousins, Dianne and Chris and I were raised more like siblings. Chris and I were 3 months apart. When he was 18, I had JUST turned 19  two weeks before.. he was shot and killed at a holiday house party. 12/8/88
I remember getting the news and thinking that I too was gonna die. I believe his murder changed me physically..he was an innocent bystander, and he died alone with none of us there. :( Shot in the chest.. he died a virgin too ugh poor guy.

Ideopathic Intracranial Hypertension

http://www.ihrfoundation.org/

This is my brain disease.. if you care to look :P

Aaron

So hard to talk about... I have to it's killing me. I met him last summer when Scotty and I were having problems and we broke up for a bit. He let me keep in contact with him when we got back together... but his baby momma is this psychotic married cunt who thinks that holding a baby over a man's head is ok. I couldn't deal witht he drama.. I walked away from him when he was locked up and needed a friend the most. I WALKED AWAY FROM HIM.. I think he lies to her and says he broke off our entanglement. He is a liar.. funny thing is I dont think he ever lied to me.
   I cant get him out of my head. I wanna just off myself someday because I feel it's such a betrayal.. I know it's the sex. Not having sex and Aaron and I had amazing sex.. and im just like Aarron Aaron in my gonads.. lol

I love Scotty with every fiber of my being, but then there's HIM. I know I can love two people at once and  not cheat either of them, but somehow his baby momma thinks that shes the only one that can juggle men. I wouldnt cheat anyways.. but the desire fo rhim is so strong ugh

Fourth of July

I'm really super tired blah. I need a rest from the hospital.. I can never sleep there ugh.

Update, update:.... I have nothing to update.

My ex, the one that tortures me emotionally , by using our daughter... he told me that hed like to be with me when I get my brain cracked. What? You keep our child over my head and let me see her ONE DAY in eight YEARS.. and you wanna be there for me?
It's because she's moved back in.. he's lost control of me and her. I'm sorry you pickled, bloated frog.. I would NEVER take your nasty ass back. Blah.

Then, my other ex has me  blocked so that I cant even discuss our son with him. Well fuck you too..lol 

EL Vato is out  of prison.. im waiting to hear from him. Maybe he will come beat the SHIT out of these bastards.. 

This is Me and Aaron in a song

Momma ( stoned)

Let's talk some real talk. first of all... im high as a kite... I bought a gask mask bong lolz So im D E E P in my head tonight/ morining its about 1am.. but in my life time means nothings. I sleeep when I want, eat when I want do what I want. It's glorious.

SO the song before " Dear Mama" got me thinking.. wow I messed my kids up by breaking witht he middle class thing bonnie and ron had going on and going my own way. Let's face it. Im ghetto as fuck. I just am. My kids call me Hippie Gangsta. haha thats what I am a aHippie Thug.. id beat yer ass but im too high BITCH! lmao

Anyways, my kids grew up poor. Most of the month, I dont even have a dollar in my pocket. Pops is a Hustla.. Used to be weed, but now that he's on Felony five year Probation for growing weed on state property ( what an stupid stupid man).. shit where was i?
( reading back) oh so now its legal stuff. He buys and sells things, drives people around.. hes a handyman caregiver taxi lol.. and he makes it thru the month with us, Someone needs a ride he comes back with a soda for me lol

Wow, this is candid. Just know hes the best man ive ever known. HE might not be a good provider, but Id rather be poor and spend every waking moment with him than wealthy and be lonely. At the end, all I have is memories before I die.
Ive been in plenty of hospital beds to know that, in your life..you cant take it with you.
It s why I have tattoos, Everything I love is on my body. I get lonely for my gram, I look at my arm and boom! Im feeling weak? on my right arm is gram lucky the strongest gangserest woman I ever knew.
Gram was straight up G. So was my papa.
WHY MY GRAM LUCKY  and PAPA were GANGSTA:
1) Gram had a loaded .25 in her purse. (Get a tissue rhondalynn, dont touch the gun"
2)They lived together  for 25 years. Right or wrong she held down her man. One thing that I admire about Bonnie is that I admire how she hold shit down.. if anything Bonnie is straight up G too.. Woman can throw a punch o m g.
3)This was kinda my Grandpa .. but there was a loaded shotgun behind my papas door which was quite near the front door. Every one knew it was there, we knew not to touch it..who does that? lol
4)My papa I think had a wife the whole time he lived with my gram and then they got married when she died. I could be wrong.. my gram has told me so many stories I could write a book on that alone.
5) My papa had a wooden leg.
6) my papa was so italian.. he just smelled italian haha
7)HE wore a gun to my 2nd grade betsy ross thing and EVERYONE was cool with me after that. yay papa
8) Her nicname was LUCKY.  Lucky and Louie Lovetro.. come on.
9) Anythign my gram wanted she got, and my gram would get up out of the living room to go to the kitchen to pour my papas coffee at the litchen table... and the coffee was right behind him. Thats G as fuck yo..lol

Im tired of this haha

I miss you Rgr... im trying to make loopster happy but.

Stay Tuned

Happy Birthday Mommy

Says it all for me

So, it's Sunday afternoon.. im sitting here wondering where the fuck to start. I guess Basics. I'll do it list style

Pen Name: Lucky Barragato.. lucky is one gram's name, Barragato is my other gram's maiden name

Age: 44

Kids: Three.. J is 25, Army dude.. D is 20, Air Force dude.. Rora.. my sweet babygirl divalicious crazy wildcat artist.. the younger ones think J is my favorite.. J thinks D is my favorite.. and Rora has no idea how much I love her.  How can I pick a favorite? They have three different dads.. three different personalities.. I cant choose. The mister thinks D is my favorite...insanity.

The Mister: I met him when I was 8 1/2 months preggers with Rora.. He was 18 and I was 26. He was hitting on me...lol Ill never forget that day as long as I live. We've been together THIS TIME lol 4 years. He is my everything.

I love tattoos, crochet, meeting new people... anything from the UK. Horror movies, crime shows. I like being scared out of my wits, and anything that makes me FEEL

I am a survivor of Childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse at  the hands of my middle class parents.

I have an amazing Auntie <3 and cousins who fill my days with joy.

I suffer from 10+ chronic illnesses.. origins unknown. Chicken and egg kinda thing. Doc thinks it could be from a brain bleed originally ugh.

I firmly believe in ***trigger*** warnings, I dont want to set anyone off with my truth

PTSD, anxiety and Depression are a part of me. Some days a HUGE part.. some days, they are just  letters to me

My life... My kiddos... My best Friend, and the Mister. <3 Yes, my best friend is a 26 year old boy haha I  love that kid.. he needs me, and I need him. Smoochy face with  the mister says it all <3

ReVamped V--V

Well.. I promised my son that I'd write a book.. nevermind I was in the Emergency Room screaming for him to let me just die.. that the pain was too great..lol I keep my promises to him eventually. So, this is the name that I've chosen for the book. I've been mulling it in my head for a minute or a year haha.. the aftermath that is me.